We all had tears in our eyes watching that.

Well, I decided to wear a balaclava after having a tip off that the Daily Mail were following us.... after reading about previous antics i thought it was a VERY sensible idea! ;)
....and that mini skirt was a BELT! I forgot to put my skirt on - getting ready so quickly, i WONDERED why i was so cold....! Never mind - the balaclava kept me really warm, i dont know WHAT happened to the stiletto's though....

Hope you're coming with us next time, Sue. Always room for someone with a little decorum!

Mary my darling! That wasn't prison! That was Amanda's conservatory! You were instructing her palm and yucca's the best was to pleat tassles! Now I'm sure that Mark won't mind the champers being drunk, mainly by you as you had a taste for it after your bath, but he shouldn't recognise you anyway as you were pretty well covered by the laurel wreath which came down around your nose at some point during the evening. When you fell into the drum probably!

Now listen, I think that you should be in charge of my retirement do. Barbara doesn't seem to have returned home yet so you have been specially selected. It must be sedate with only a few sparklies and tassles. No thongs please! Could you have a word with Kathleen about the snake? We do seem to be getting into bother every time we have a do and that darned snake is usually there or there about! Then there's Julie! We can't have her climbing every night out we go on: it isn't very ladylike when you wear such flimsy garments! What about the person who should remain anonymous (lIZZIE) who came out dressed in a belt with no skirt? Action needed there too! Betty Boo pants may look nice under a nice pair of trousers but otherwise!!!! Tasteless! Not like us at all! Amanda and Jean are so out of control that we may need security watching out for us rather than watching us if you see what I mean? Julie M at least looked the part when she came out last week but what about the belly dancing in the Turkish restaurant? No wonder she got flung out! So Mary if you are up for this I trust you. By the way, did you know that Doreen has gone all posh since the other night when she was having slices of lemon and peppers in her lager? Reckons that she drinks red wine now! The amount that she drinks we'll need a barrel of the stuff! Maybe someone could nip over on the ferry to France for a few bargains.

I'm really looking forward to this. I didn't have as much fun when I went out in 'reality'!

Eleanor x

ps: remember the snake!

I'm sooo sorry girls, I don't know exactly what happened, but think it has something to do with Doreen leading my up the garden path, and feel mortified and embarrassed by the whole experience

Well I was on this round trip New Forest to pick up Amanda and then to Edinburgh, but some how, and don't ask me how, I ended up at the top of the tree in Trafalgar square with BORIS drinking champers. All I can remember, is being rescued by 6 fireman and then being taken to a police station and interviewed by 12 officers. Boris of course caught wind that I was a left leaning liberal reading Guardian reader and and told a big fat lie about me conning him into eating and drinking something dubious - believe me I am innocent and it was the other way round!!

I think I bumped into Mary at the station, and also saw Katherine there too.. on a drunk and disorderly charge...

I know I have let you all down and prepared to accept any punishment that you feel fit to mete out on me

PS that Lizzie she's a right old hussy, flaunting her mini skirt and wearing dare I say very little, and what was she doing sweet talking the fireman and police officers?

Jean are you confused? Eleanor is too young to retire

Also, if you want Julie to go anywhere you'll have to make sure the icicles on her thong have thawed out

As for the others, best leave them until they have well and truly sobered up.

Love,
Barbara
XXXXXX

I am blooming FURIOUS with the lot of you!

OK, I'd had a bit of a problem with my frozen thong, and a wee mishap with those peanuts in my spangly bra....................

BUT

Did you actually TELL me you were off to another party for New Year?........NO you did NOT!

OK, so I WAS in hospital, but was I invited anyway?.....................was I HECK!!!

I THOUGHT you were my friends.

This is GROSS injustice, and although it ain't very festive ............well ...............I hope your thongs go mouldy and your chains rust in situ!!!.................SO THERE!!!!



L xx


and why aren't you in bed, Jeany babe?? It's LONG past your bedtime!!!! I saw you, creeping on here to have a look.............

Oh LYLIE...actually we DID stop off at the hospital but - another confession pouring out here - I drank some of that NHS Sherry and was sick on one of the beds, so they threw us out pretty quickly. There is something else you should know though.......we (Eleanor, Barbara and myself) left the sssssnake there! Oooops...

I am feeling pretty badly hungover after that very cheap and nasty Sherry. But the posh champers made up for it (the one attached to Jean's icy thong.)

What I would like to know is why Mary forgot to put on a skirt? And Doreen, a top?

Love,
A

Yum, the cherry brandy was gorgeous...ooooops, confession time AGAIN!

PS; That bra was the biggest item of clothing you were wearing Doreen...honestly. I bet you have a cold today!

PPS; I have your fur coat here, you left it behind when you drank the champagne. (which was why you were cold)

Hmm.......What indeed?